I’m ready for summer. School will be done in just 2 months, and I’ll be done.

For now.

I want to be done with school.

Like crazy badly.

Today, while at our stay at the bed and breakfast in Santa Barbara, I ate a pancake.

This might not be monumental to you, but I haven’t eaten a pancake in over a year. But I sat there, looking at the pancakes I was served, not knowing what to do.

Do I eat this pancake and ruin my streak? Do I give in to the carbo load and eat the cinnamon sugar vice? I decided to be on vacation and shut out the voices. I put all my bananas, walnuts, and strawberries on one pancake and ate just one. It was good, but not what I expected.

See, my tastes are changing. I no longer crave things like pancakes or chips, now I crave vegetables and fruits. We were walking today and Nathan said he was really in the mood for a pastry. I was in the mood for a crisp apple.

I’m starting to crave healthy. Healthy foods, healthy words, healthy relationships. Allowing God to strip me of the old and put on the new. And don’t get me wrong, pancakes are good, but apples are better.

I am exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping well these past few days. Finals and graduation plague me and I feel so overwhelmed. The idea of working another 2.5 hours makes me want to throw my hands up and call it quits.

But I just have to get past this week. Today is almost over and tomorrow is Friday.

And on Sunday I put on a cap and gown and make my way.

This time next week, I will be lining up to graduate.

What a journey.

Sometimes I look at my life, and literally can’t believe how blessed I am.

My life is awesome.

And all the stuff that made it crappy is gone. I mean, it’s still very much there, but we are done.

Words that have crippled us will no longer be on our lips. The same lips I use to show Nathan how much I love him will not be used to speak anymore about our pain.

Life is so damn beautiful.

I hate how challenging it is to let God take control. I. So. Badly. Want. Control.

I want to know when and why and how things happen. I wonder if that’s a product of the mind or the fall.

Spring break is almost over.

Other than the fact I’ve only seen my husband for a total of 5 hours, it’s been lovely.

This bed needs a Nathan.